Lesbians, Yes There Is Sex With Each Other But That Doesn’t Mean ‘Girl Code’ Are Dead | GO Mag

Eons before I emerged crawling from the dirty, dark and dismal right dresser and marched in to the sunny dyke globe, I was a staunch follower of “girl signal.” Possibly it’s because I’m among those irritating agencies created with a ravenous hunger for ~fairness~ inside screwed-up world. Possibly i am simply my personal mom’s girl (my personal mom may be the ethical dictator of the east Seaboard). Or possibly i am only a self-righteous bitch.

Zara at 18 Years Of Age, Baby Lesbian

Picture by Owen Gould

Whatever the reason; i have been a staunch follower of “girl code” since those flushed adolescent hormones kicked in around age 10.

Just what even


“girl signal?”  Girl code is a code which all ladies that happen to be typically supportive of the sex, comply with. Its an unspoken collection of rules, emerge destination generations in the past by our very own foremothers, to make sure we care for all of our type. It really is primal. Animal.

It indicates that no matter if we oh-so-fiercely hate that vile witch which sits two cubicles away, we’re going to


offer her a tampon when she is bleeding through her bleached white jeans.

Woman code is actually rooted in the intrinsic sisterhood we share with all women, regardless of if do not understand all of them physically. We express an unspoken relationship because merely we understand the hardships, the difficulties, additionally the inevitable injury that comes along side being a lady in a fuckboy’s globe.

While I was eleven I found myself heartbroken while I saw smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball star “take” the boyfriend of Ashley* a freckle-faced educational.

“exactly how CAN SHE?!” I gasped to my personal best friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy milk when you look at the cafeteria.

Suzie, also a die-hard girl coder, sadly installed her head. “I am not sure, Zara. I don’t know.”

A couple of years later I experienced a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed man who was the spitting image of


(while I pressured myself to “crush” on young men, i went for very men exactly who bore impressive resemblances toward cute queer girl take movie stars today).

Trouble was actually, stated child had as soon as dated a buddy of my own. I inquired this lady if she minded easily dated her lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (not when it comes to those terms, definitely).

“needless to say I NOTICE!” she screamed, flinging the woman green velour Juicy Couture backpack to the air.

We vowed never to test woman rule again.

I quickly switched 20 and started playing with the ~lesbians~.

I became a Sapphic small kitten new from the world and even though I felt like I experienced died and visited lesbian heaven, a factor actually puzzled myself (okay, a

couple of

situations, however you have in which i want).

Lady signal did not be seemingly as fiercely deep-rooted into my brand-new lesbian pal team. My buddies did actually continuously be dating their unique friend’s exes, flirting with taken women and participating in top-secret affairs with girls nevertheless romantically mounted on various other girls.

“Wait—no, you simply can’t accomplish that! It’s not GIRL signal!” I might shriek at my brand new pal Talia, a female who was simply always recklessly smashing girl code along with her tan small fists.

Talia would move the woman glittery environmentally friendly vision. “We’re lesbians—it’s various. We have



“Even though we gender with one another doesn’t mean girl code fades the screen,” we roared with a feverish intensity I didn’t even understand I experienced. I found myself 21 with ratty tresses extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my title, but We understood during my heart I happened to be lifeless screwing correct.

Not merely should queer females end up being staying with woman code (while we do certainly, have sexual intercourse together, Many sex with one another), it needs to be cut even further than the lady signal that is available when you look at the heteronormative globe. Not simply tend to be we under attack by community most importantly because we’re feminine, we’re also under assault by community at large because we’re effing QUEER, girls! If there has ever been a team of women that need securely bound to the ethics of FEMALE CODE, it should be us queers. In reality, I would refer to it as “queer signal” but that is its thing, worthy of its own post.

But we all, regardless of where we secure on sex spectrum, everyone, who roll during the queer lady community,


be adhering to girl signal. No exceptions.

For instance:

It’s against “girl code” to aggressively hit on a woman who’s a girlfriend.

Some time ago I became within Cubby Hole using my pal Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut emerged striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to her with this highly intimate “vagina first” strut and she started initially to shamelessly flirt with little to no Maggie. In a few minutes, she requested Maggie out on a night out together.

Maggie smiled politely (she is southern) and cooed, “which is actually sweet, but We have a really really serious gf.”

“which is also bad. We’ll purchase you a glass or two anyway.” The lanky lesbian purred, increasing an impressively arched eyebrow.

“don’t be concerned about it, I managed to get it.” Maggie seemed nervously at me (the bitchy New Yorker whom bites back).

“Let me purchase you a drink. You are attractive. And hey, that knows in which your commitment is certainly going?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She set an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s bare neck.

Finally, I burst. “Dude! She’s a girlfriend! It’s not just disrespectful to Maggie, additionally, it is disrespectful to her GIRLFRIEND. We are all women! We don’t betray each other that way!” We roared, just like the Lanky Lesbian easily excused herself for a smoke.

You are not simply splitting lady signal by simply making another woman think unpleasant for rejecting your own improvements, you are splitting lady rule because some bad lesbian is actually sitting home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as her sweetheart has been HIT ON by another woman.

After all, possibly she would count on this type of conduct by drunken bros within bro bar, but the queer bar ought to be a safe place! We hold us to a higher regular than males (NOT PC, sorry), don’t you?

It’s against “girl rule” to inquire about a woman’s permission to talk to the woman girl.

Not long ago I was at large queer lady celebration when suddenly a haphazard woman will come walking doing my girl and bellows: “Is It Possible To ask your girlfriend a question?” Appropriate. In. Front. Of. Me. Like I becamen’t even freaking here.

Speak about smashing girl rule into the soil! You’re equating my personal womanliness with weakness, and implying that my personal fabric shorts displaying sweetheart is my personal manager (GAG!), because she’s not twirling around in a mini gown like i’m.

PSA: you are able to twirl around in a minidress and still have a goddamn mind.

Just have you been busting lady rule by judging an other woman entirely centered on her outer look and private design, you’re in addition becoming very sexist. You are inquiring my (slightly) much more masculine presenting sweetheart for permission to dicuss to “femmey little myself.” Pay attention females: This makeup lesbian does not have any employer. Not at work. Perhaps not in daily life. And not in screwing love.

Its against lady signal as of yet, sleep with, or flirt with your friend’s ex (without seeking authorization).

Appear: occasionally In my opinion it is completely OK currently a buddy’s ex because lez be real. Our society can be so small that matchmaking a pal’s ex will at some time (most likely) end up being unavoidable. Particularly when your buddies are all fabulous, untamed sluts like my own, and then have connected with 90 percent associated with the scene.

But baby woman! You have to inquire about permission before going into that territory.

I understand discovering a lady you relate to is as uncommon as finding a pearl in a goddamn oyster, however must hold yourself back if permission is not awarded.

It really is against woman signal to flirt along with your pal’s present companion (even though it’s innocent).

Near your vision. Picture you’re at a club seeing another girl splay her legs all-around your hetero buddy’s sweetheart. Might consider it was very unacceptable, and probably tell their all about it, no? Same applies to girls on woman laps.

Trust in me we have a problem with this, major. I am obviously a lap resting lez, inside a lot of ~innocent~ of means. I recklessly plop about laps of gay men, lesbians, my mama, my cousin and straight women as well. It’s probably a deep-rooted youth dilemma of desiring passion.

Nevertheless. Which is no excuse.

I needed to developed some tight limits regarding my pals’ girlfriends. Even though in my heavily mascara adorned eyes I’m not “flirting,” it’s still WILDLY unacceptable for me personally is lapping it up back at my pal’s girl. Or anyone’s gf for that matter.

It can get complicated for people gays.

Oh, we’re all girls! It indicates nothing!

But if you do not wish somebody’s girlfriend to (rightfully) sock you inside the nostrils while you drunkenly perch on the lady’s lap: get attend a rose bush as an alternative. Its a far better option.

It is against girl code to allow the squandered girlfriend go back home with a douchey complete stranger WHETHER OR NOT SAID STRANGER is actually A WOMAN.

If my straight best friend Ruba will get out of control lost and slurs in my experience that she actually is heading house with some douchey looking bro that’s offering myself an incident of full body creeps, I’ll pull the lady out of the club throwing and shouting before We let her enter a cab with him.

Simply because your intoxicated buddy goes house with an other woman (aka not a


doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to end up being secure otherwise will not awake without awful regret and embarrassment spirals. We are here to protect the pals from risk AND from shame spirals. Woman code, infant.

Generally there it is. Tell me what you think.
Message me on Fb
and let me know you differ. This will be a discussion, perhaps not a lecture, kitten. I am merely the self-proclaimed internet lesbian huge sister, just what hell do i am aware?

OH—one more thing. Its against woman code to take care of a lady you had a one evening stand with love trash. In the event it’s simply a rando hookup (which I entirely endorse) end up being KIND to the lady and pay for the taxi cab residence. Women can be never to treat additional women like throwaway sex toys, under any scenario.

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